I got my butt kicked. Literally. By working out. I haven't worked out like that probably since I was on High School Swim Team. Seriously. Did you know I have triceps?! I didn't. And now they are screaming at me. I just have had the biggest blessing in that my amazing mentor and I have the privilege to work out together with an awesome trainer! She pushed me, she made me not want to just give up, and really showed me how to isolate and work certain muscles.
Why am I doing this? Because I have been reading through 1 and 2 Samuel, and these guys in my head remind me of gladiators and ripped Trojans. Now maybe that's just because I am just getting out of a semester studying the Aeneid, but that's how they look in my mind. People back in the day walked everywhere, fought hard, and ate just enough to keep them alive, and didn't have a wide variety of food to pick from.
My body is God's temple, and I abuse food. I do. And I don't exercise enough. Like I had committed earlier, everything I do, I'm going to give my heart fully in. And that means life. That means 100% committing myself to making my body better, therefore physically cleansing my spirit, not just spiritually.
This is an exciting time in my life. Stressful, but none the less thrilling. Being home really feels amazing--being around so many people who love and support me, who are rooting for me, who push me, and who keep me accountable for my life.
Mediocre anything isn't an option anymore. I don't want to sacrifice one area of my life because I'm stretching myself too fat (I can't say thin, because I'm not). David gave 100% of his time, his energy, his resources being the anointed one of God--doing his will, leaving his family. He was fully committed to the works of God, and through my lack of taking physical care of myself, I am not being committed to preserving God's temple, making me not committed fully to his works and will.
Pray for me in maintaining strength of mind, spirit, and body!!
God bless,
Lauren
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Friday, May 18, 2012
Day 137
You know, our lives are a ministry. The way we live each and every day is a reflection of our beliefs and our relationship towards Christ.
I have really enjoyed being inside the work of ministry though--interning at my church. It's just been amazing to have the time of fellowship with people, connection, relational, and just getting to truly know the hearts of others.
God really does have the absolute best planned for us. Truly. And I feel like I am living my best right now. I feel as though I am where he needs to be and working for HIS good.
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."
Romans 8:28
Just like David, wandering through the wilderness with his family trying to elude Saul... The hardships, the pain, the inbetweeness is all for God's best.
I love my life!
God bless,
Lauren
I have really enjoyed being inside the work of ministry though--interning at my church. It's just been amazing to have the time of fellowship with people, connection, relational, and just getting to truly know the hearts of others.
God really does have the absolute best planned for us. Truly. And I feel like I am living my best right now. I feel as though I am where he needs to be and working for HIS good.
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."
Romans 8:28
Just like David, wandering through the wilderness with his family trying to elude Saul... The hardships, the pain, the inbetweeness is all for God's best.
I love my life!
God bless,
Lauren
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Day 135
Hey friends, it's been awhile.
You know, Saturday morning, I woke up early, left super early, and drove all the way home. About 13 hours. Ouch.
Sunday it was a wonderful Mother's Day spending it with my mom.
But ultimately, what has been consuming my time has been studying for the LSAT. That's the Law School Admissions Test.
Pretty creative, right? But no, it's probably the toughest test you will ever take in your life. It's not like the PSAT or the GMAT or the GRE or the MCAT that tests you on knowledge- this is a test that challenges logic, skill, and ultimately strategy.
I am so blessed that for Christmas, my parents got me a prep course and a tutor. Praise the Lord because trust me, I need it. I have never been one for standardized tests, I have never been one to take a test that really has no relevance in the legal profession, but this test ultimately defines the course of my life. It defines where I can go to Law School and the money that I'll receive.
But ultimately, is that all this test is? Why does this 4 hour event define the rest of my life? And why am I not letting God completely take the reigns.
I tell you, God has given me such strength to get through these last few days of intense studying, and I am confident that he will let me persevere through these next few weeks.
"I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me."
Philippians 4:13
And I know that I use this one a lot, but it's truly one of my absolute favorites:
"Have you never heard?
Have you never understood?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of all the earth.
He never grows weak or weary.
No one can measure the depths of his understanding.
He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint."
Isaiah 40:28-31
And you know what, I really need to stop stressing out about this test--about all the lessons I need to do, the homework I need to do, the practice tests I need to accomplish... Because ultimately, God is going to get me through, and everything that happens is going to be for his perfect and sovereign will.
Just like David--he endured constant fear from Saul, having tried to been killed several times by him. He endured betrayal, hatred, and was humble and showed grace and humility in the face of it. He truly exhibited God's perfect will for us.
Last night at my young adults group, my dear, dear friend and youth pastor shared a message on this very subject, which is completely wild considering 1 Samuel has been the chapter from my Old Testament that I've been reading. Basically, my friend said how David, having been anointed by Samuel and God, was working as a servant--he was living a life in between his present and his destiny. But he used that for his benefit--he gained the favor, love, and admiration of all the people and troops during that time so he could truly become a leader.
I'm going to use my in between time for the benefit of the course of my life, my destiny. The present may not be where I previously had envisioned myself. The stress, worry, and fear may not be what I had wanted to be living in, but I'm going to channel all that for the good of my God. I'm going to use my time to learn something, to fulfill God's perfect plan, and maybe I can do well on the LSAT in the process :) If not, then God has other plans for me.
God bless,
Lauren
You know, Saturday morning, I woke up early, left super early, and drove all the way home. About 13 hours. Ouch.
Sunday it was a wonderful Mother's Day spending it with my mom.
But ultimately, what has been consuming my time has been studying for the LSAT. That's the Law School Admissions Test.
Pretty creative, right? But no, it's probably the toughest test you will ever take in your life. It's not like the PSAT or the GMAT or the GRE or the MCAT that tests you on knowledge- this is a test that challenges logic, skill, and ultimately strategy.
I am so blessed that for Christmas, my parents got me a prep course and a tutor. Praise the Lord because trust me, I need it. I have never been one for standardized tests, I have never been one to take a test that really has no relevance in the legal profession, but this test ultimately defines the course of my life. It defines where I can go to Law School and the money that I'll receive.
But ultimately, is that all this test is? Why does this 4 hour event define the rest of my life? And why am I not letting God completely take the reigns.
I tell you, God has given me such strength to get through these last few days of intense studying, and I am confident that he will let me persevere through these next few weeks.
"I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me."
Philippians 4:13
And I know that I use this one a lot, but it's truly one of my absolute favorites:
"Have you never heard?
Have you never understood?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of all the earth.
He never grows weak or weary.
No one can measure the depths of his understanding.
He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint."
Isaiah 40:28-31
And you know what, I really need to stop stressing out about this test--about all the lessons I need to do, the homework I need to do, the practice tests I need to accomplish... Because ultimately, God is going to get me through, and everything that happens is going to be for his perfect and sovereign will.
Just like David--he endured constant fear from Saul, having tried to been killed several times by him. He endured betrayal, hatred, and was humble and showed grace and humility in the face of it. He truly exhibited God's perfect will for us.
Last night at my young adults group, my dear, dear friend and youth pastor shared a message on this very subject, which is completely wild considering 1 Samuel has been the chapter from my Old Testament that I've been reading. Basically, my friend said how David, having been anointed by Samuel and God, was working as a servant--he was living a life in between his present and his destiny. But he used that for his benefit--he gained the favor, love, and admiration of all the people and troops during that time so he could truly become a leader.
I'm going to use my in between time for the benefit of the course of my life, my destiny. The present may not be where I previously had envisioned myself. The stress, worry, and fear may not be what I had wanted to be living in, but I'm going to channel all that for the good of my God. I'm going to use my time to learn something, to fulfill God's perfect plan, and maybe I can do well on the LSAT in the process :) If not, then God has other plans for me.
God bless,
Lauren
Friday, May 11, 2012
Day 130
This has been a very, very stressful and long week. I still have one more final, and then I have to pack up my ENTIRE apartment, and put it in storage. I'm having some friends come help me (thank you God for friends!) and my mom is getting us pizza afterwards! Yay!
This is going to be a tough few weeks until the LSAT to say the last. Last night, my prep course blew my mind. Seriously.
But Disney movies definitely put it back together...
And Jesus.
I don't have much else to say than that today.
I love you God, thank you for my life!
Lauren
This is going to be a tough few weeks until the LSAT to say the last. Last night, my prep course blew my mind. Seriously.
But Disney movies definitely put it back together...
And Jesus.
I don't have much else to say than that today.
I love you God, thank you for my life!
Lauren
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Day 129
Today I gave Bella her heart-worm medication. I buried it in peanut butter. She LOVES peanut butter. She is really weird in that she doesn't eat people food--but she will eat anything that has peanut butter (or butter) in it. She can't get enough of it. If I dropped a piece of turkey on the floor, it stays on the floor. If I dropped a glob of peanut butter on the floor, it would be gone and all over Bella's face in a matter of seconds.
She has really long hair... And so, when she eats peanut butter, it gets all over it! Today she did something really interesting whenever I gave her peanut butter with her pill in it. She ate it, and the left over peanut butter, she moved her face all in it (I put it in a little dish otherwise she would bite my fingers!). She got it all stuck in her hair and I was about to get really upset! Until.. she went right over to our other dog, Pippen, and sat there and let him lick her.
Now I'm probably reading too much into this (they're dogs after all), but she took something that she loved, something that is a commodity for her, something she really would do anything for, and shared it with her big brother/friend. I don't know why, but I was weirdly proud of her. And then she goes and jumps on his back antagonizing him into playing afterwards, but still, she shared her peanut butter.
Today's story was about Saul and Samuel. I really don't remember this story from Sunday School and such. But Samuel, wow, what a man of God. And I always get so frustrated with the people in these stories! They asked Samuel for a King--and God said (paraphrasing), "Well Samuel, give them what they ask and see what happens. They do this all the time--ever since I brought them out of Egypt, let them survive in the desert, and gave them life and freedom. Let them do what they want, it's their lives and their choices. We'll just see what happens. You tell them what earthly kings do--and they might realize that they got it good with me."
But still, they wanted an earthly king anyways. I just don't get it. I would NEVER want a King. I would never want someone to force me into doing things because of his so-called "divine right." You know, it's been awhile since I have gone through my break-up. This is really the longest that I have been single and alone since a long time ago, and I am so incredibly happy, and so absolutely fulfilled.
You see, my God and I have this relationship, and it makes me want nothing else. It makes me seek nothing else. Well, to an extent. I was talking to my mama about this yesterday, and I just told her that I really don't need self-fulfillment and self-worth from a man, or from others telling me how great my superficial appearance is. I am seeking self-fulfillment from doing everything, absolutely everything, for the Lord, for his name and power.
But you know what I am struggling with? Whether what I'm doing is for God's glory, or for mine. In school, I have been working so hard to get great grades, not just good grades. And this semester, even though it's the hardest and most hours I have ever done, I won't maintain the standard that I have had the past 3 semesters. I might get a B, actually, I probably did get a B. And that thought just wrenches my gut because I worked SO hard in that class.
And thinking about it, all A's reflects well on ME, not God. So am I doing this for me? Am I seeking self-worth from my academic achievements? Are my classes equivalent to a boy?
I don't know, and I'm struggling with that. I am struggling with if it's okay to just do my best, and whatever happens happens, and not being disappointed with a B, not caring if a class doesn't exactly go my way, or if I'm not the smartest, or if I don't have the greatest discussion points. The fact is, pouring my heart and soul into my schoolwork is great, but unless it glorifies and pleases God, I'm not doing it for the right reasons, I'm doing it for selfish, earthly reasons. And I'm being ruled by an earthly King, instead of being ruled by my God.
Pray for me.
God bless,
Lauren
She has really long hair... And so, when she eats peanut butter, it gets all over it! Today she did something really interesting whenever I gave her peanut butter with her pill in it. She ate it, and the left over peanut butter, she moved her face all in it (I put it in a little dish otherwise she would bite my fingers!). She got it all stuck in her hair and I was about to get really upset! Until.. she went right over to our other dog, Pippen, and sat there and let him lick her.
Now I'm probably reading too much into this (they're dogs after all), but she took something that she loved, something that is a commodity for her, something she really would do anything for, and shared it with her big brother/friend. I don't know why, but I was weirdly proud of her. And then she goes and jumps on his back antagonizing him into playing afterwards, but still, she shared her peanut butter.
Today's story was about Saul and Samuel. I really don't remember this story from Sunday School and such. But Samuel, wow, what a man of God. And I always get so frustrated with the people in these stories! They asked Samuel for a King--and God said (paraphrasing), "Well Samuel, give them what they ask and see what happens. They do this all the time--ever since I brought them out of Egypt, let them survive in the desert, and gave them life and freedom. Let them do what they want, it's their lives and their choices. We'll just see what happens. You tell them what earthly kings do--and they might realize that they got it good with me."
But still, they wanted an earthly king anyways. I just don't get it. I would NEVER want a King. I would never want someone to force me into doing things because of his so-called "divine right." You know, it's been awhile since I have gone through my break-up. This is really the longest that I have been single and alone since a long time ago, and I am so incredibly happy, and so absolutely fulfilled.
You see, my God and I have this relationship, and it makes me want nothing else. It makes me seek nothing else. Well, to an extent. I was talking to my mama about this yesterday, and I just told her that I really don't need self-fulfillment and self-worth from a man, or from others telling me how great my superficial appearance is. I am seeking self-fulfillment from doing everything, absolutely everything, for the Lord, for his name and power.
But you know what I am struggling with? Whether what I'm doing is for God's glory, or for mine. In school, I have been working so hard to get great grades, not just good grades. And this semester, even though it's the hardest and most hours I have ever done, I won't maintain the standard that I have had the past 3 semesters. I might get a B, actually, I probably did get a B. And that thought just wrenches my gut because I worked SO hard in that class.
And thinking about it, all A's reflects well on ME, not God. So am I doing this for me? Am I seeking self-worth from my academic achievements? Are my classes equivalent to a boy?
I don't know, and I'm struggling with that. I am struggling with if it's okay to just do my best, and whatever happens happens, and not being disappointed with a B, not caring if a class doesn't exactly go my way, or if I'm not the smartest, or if I don't have the greatest discussion points. The fact is, pouring my heart and soul into my schoolwork is great, but unless it glorifies and pleases God, I'm not doing it for the right reasons, I'm doing it for selfish, earthly reasons. And I'm being ruled by an earthly King, instead of being ruled by my God.
Pray for me.
God bless,
Lauren
Monday, May 7, 2012
Day 126
Thank you to all of you who have held me accountable for this blog!!
I know that I haven't written, and that was my commitment, but I have read, and I think that's important.
I really don't remember too much Samuel's role in the Bible. I started reading from Samuel--and man, I am almost more amazed by Hannah at this point.. Giving up your child.. To the Lord. Wow. I couldn't even fathom.
You know, this is finals week, and I'm pretty busy, but the challenge I gave to myself--to do everything, no matter what, wholeheartedly and for the Lord.
Even doing projects that I don't really care about, I am doing them for the Lord. I am putting time and effort into my friendships, into my school projects, to my relationships with my family.
That's what this life is all about--doing everything we can, giving our everything, for the sake of God's glory. All of my actions reflect my relationship with Christ, and I want them to reflect positively!
God bless,
Lauren
I know that I haven't written, and that was my commitment, but I have read, and I think that's important.
I really don't remember too much Samuel's role in the Bible. I started reading from Samuel--and man, I am almost more amazed by Hannah at this point.. Giving up your child.. To the Lord. Wow. I couldn't even fathom.
You know, this is finals week, and I'm pretty busy, but the challenge I gave to myself--to do everything, no matter what, wholeheartedly and for the Lord.
Even doing projects that I don't really care about, I am doing them for the Lord. I am putting time and effort into my friendships, into my school projects, to my relationships with my family.
That's what this life is all about--doing everything we can, giving our everything, for the sake of God's glory. All of my actions reflect my relationship with Christ, and I want them to reflect positively!
God bless,
Lauren
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Day 121
"Let all that I am praise the Lord;
with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name.
2 Let all that I am praise the Lord;
may I never forget the good things he does for me.
3 He forgives all my sins
and heals all my diseases.
4 He redeems me from death
and crowns me with love and tender mercies.
5 He fills my life with good things.
My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!
with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name.
2 Let all that I am praise the Lord;
may I never forget the good things he does for me.
3 He forgives all my sins
and heals all my diseases.
4 He redeems me from death
and crowns me with love and tender mercies.
5 He fills my life with good things.
My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!
6 The Lord gives righteousness
and justice to all who are treated unfairly.
and justice to all who are treated unfairly.
7 He revealed his character to Moses
and his deeds to the people of Israel.
8 The Lord is compassionate and merciful,
slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.
9 He will not constantly accuse us,
nor remain angry forever.
10 He does not punish us for all our sins;
he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.
11 For his unfailing love toward those who fear him
is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.
12 He has removed our sins as far from us
as the east is from the west.
13 The Lord is like a father to his children,
tender and compassionate to those who fear him.
14 For he knows how weak we are;
he remembers we are only dust.
15 Our days on earth are like grass;
like wildflowers, we bloom and die.
16 The wind blows, and we are gone—
as though we had never been here.
17 But the love of the Lord remains forever
with those who fear him.
His salvation extends to the children’s children
18 of those who are faithful to his covenant,
of those who obey his commandments!
and his deeds to the people of Israel.
8 The Lord is compassionate and merciful,
slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.
9 He will not constantly accuse us,
nor remain angry forever.
10 He does not punish us for all our sins;
he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.
11 For his unfailing love toward those who fear him
is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.
12 He has removed our sins as far from us
as the east is from the west.
13 The Lord is like a father to his children,
tender and compassionate to those who fear him.
14 For he knows how weak we are;
he remembers we are only dust.
15 Our days on earth are like grass;
like wildflowers, we bloom and die.
16 The wind blows, and we are gone—
as though we had never been here.
17 But the love of the Lord remains forever
with those who fear him.
His salvation extends to the children’s children
18 of those who are faithful to his covenant,
of those who obey his commandments!
19 The Lord has made the heavens his throne;
from there he rules over everything.
from there he rules over everything.
20 Praise the Lord, you angels,
you mighty ones who carry out his plans,
listening for each of his commands.
21 Yes, praise the Lord, you armies of angels
who serve him and do his will!
22 Praise the Lord, everything he has created,
everything in all his kingdom.
you mighty ones who carry out his plans,
listening for each of his commands.
21 Yes, praise the Lord, you armies of angels
who serve him and do his will!
22 Praise the Lord, everything he has created,
everything in all his kingdom.
Let all that I am praise the Lord."
Psalm 103
It's this moment of abandonment--letting go of everything that bothers you. Holding nothing back.
When I worship in church, if there is something I'm holding onto--some feeling, some thought, a to-do list, I cannot fully give my heart to God. I cannot fully surrender myself to praising my Father. But each day that you completely surrender, that you completely let go and let God, it's amazing praise. Your heart just opens and fills up so completely with the word of God, and the love of God.
But for me, it's a struggle to completely let go, to completely forget everything I have going on in my life and just praise God. For some reason, everyday it's hard to completely surrender myself to God and worship him. Even on Sundays, sometimes my worship lacks because I have a paper to write, or a book to read, or a house to clean, or cooking to get done... I can't just let God swoop in and fill my heart.
Why, though? Why does my worship sometimes feel empty? Feel like I'm going through the motions? Is it fear? Is it a lack of trust that the Lord will take care of all my worries and help me to persevere? Why?
It's not, "Let only the part of me that doesn't have things to do praise the Lord..." No. It's "Let all that I am praise the Lord." All. Not half, not a quarter, not 3/4. All.
That's my challenge to myself in May, probably one of the busiest months I will encounter all year because of finals, because of studying for the LSAT, because of getting shots for Africa... Is to make my worship matter. Is to make my life a constant testament to God. Is to make my actions speak as loud as my words.
I love you, Lord, and I'm trying to give my all to you.
God bless,
Lauren
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