Day 104

I guess, whenever I remembered the story of the Israelites trying to reach the Promise Land, I thought that they were cursed to wander in the desert for 40 years because of their unfaithfulness. But they really weren't wandering. They had direction and honestly, they had purpose for it taking so long. They had to defeat and conquer the land as their curse. Which, if you think about it, really wasn't a curse for them because they were able to show the power of God, and all the kings and people of the land feared them because they had the power of God.

They were able to be a witness and a disciple and an example of God's favor and omnipotent nature. I really never realized what all they went through to get to the promised land and how many trials and sufferings they endured as a people.

I feel bad for the people of Israel--it has been constant, near constant war for them since B.C. Right now, they deal with persecution from all sides; the US (subtly of course), Iran, Palestine, and other nations don't show favor to Israel- God's Holy Land.

I guess that shows that people do actually believe in something. You know, I don't buy "atheism." Because to believe in nothing is to believe in something. And to completely deny the presence of God is to recognize God. To rebel against something means that thing you are rebelling against means something to you--anything.

Maybe it's fear? Maybe that's why sometimes I don't embrace all that I can be, all that God calls me to be? Maybe I'm afraid of what he'll ask of me. Maybe I'm afraid of the cost. Maybe I'm afraid what I'll find...

I'm not sure. I feel though, that I rebel sometimes. I feel like I'm an Israelite at times, destined to wander. But unlike what I initially thought about their pilgrimage, they had a purpose, and a calling, and a destiny. Their wandering meant something to everyone. Their wandering was all for the name of God.

You know, I don't know where my life is going. I don't know sometimes what I'm doing nor why I'm doing it. But I know that I want my journey to have purpose, to have a mission, to have significance. I don't want to rebel and be unfaithful to my God. I don't want to be cursed my entire life and not see my promised land.

I want you, God.

God bless,
Lauren