Day 43

I am sick :( Sore and swollen throat, congestion, ear infection... It's all the cold and the wind, I know it.

Moses' face was radiant whenever he came down from Mount Sinai after spending 40 days and 40 nights with God rewriting the stone tablets that he destroyed. He was so radiant with God that people were afraid to look at him--they feared him. I think it's pretty powerful when you are so, so in the Word and presence of God that people notice, they put attention on you based on your actions and countenance.

I am pretty sure that when people look at me, they don't see the radiance of God. I think, personally, that very few have that connection and radiance, but when you see someone who is just in tune with God, you can tell.

I know someone who is like that--you just look at them and know that they have the joy of the Lord in their heart. In everything that this person does, you can just see it's a little bit different from everyone else.

That's something I want. I strive for. I feel like I need. I need to have a countenance that expresses God's works in my life. I need to have an attitude of bliss and joy. I need to just have a relationship with God that is expressed in everything that I do.

In Matthew, it was the passage today about choosing Barrabas to be freed over Jesus, and then him getting completely mocked, scorned, and tortured. I almost feel bad for Pilot. I really don't think that he wanted to do what he did. I don't think he knew it was right and he knew there was something about Jesus that was different. But he didn't stop it either. Yeah, he may have washed his hands of the blood and responsibility in his mind, but he really didn't. He should have said "No." He should have put his foot down and stood up for what was right. But it was all in God's plan... Jesus had to die and Pilot was just an instrument used for a divine purpose.

In all reality, I kind of feel like Pilot sometimes. I guess I just feel like every sinner in the Bible who isn't gung-ho like Moses, Abraham, Jacob, Isaac and the like. I am Judas. I am the Pharisees. I am Pilot. I am Peter. I am all of those people whom Jesus died for. I am what Jesus died for.

Their struggles are still our struggles. Their worries are still our worries. Their faith journey is still one that we all have to take...

With Pilot, he may not have been "directly responsible" because it was the peoples' choice, but he should have stood up. For me, there are people who I know I should continue to forgive, continue a relationship, continue to save... But I use the excuse "a person has to want to... I've done everything I can." Well, no, I haven't. If I had, that person would be saved, that person would know God, that person would know people don't give up on them just when the going has been rough.

I pretend to wipe my hands clean, when Jesus never gives up on us. Jesus always forgives us. Jesus always will be there. Jesus won't stop until we are his... Why can't I? It's a hard thing to be of human standards and not of God's.

But if we didn't struggle, there would be no need for Jesus...

God bless,
Lauren