Day 50

It's amazing how fast your life can change. Everything you've known, everything you have planned and counted on--gone. I have had that happen to me, and I didn't know where to turn, so I turned to God and my life has been so incredible since then. That doesn't mean I walk on cloud 9 everyday, but it does mean that I'm really learning to let go and let God take control. It's a process, a battle really. A battle to surrender myself and what I think, for an even greater plan and purpose.

I am still hurt, still angry, still confused sometimes. I think that's something as humans we just can't overcome. But I know that there is a higher purpose for my life. I know that God is going to use me through my career, my friendships, my interactions, my place in life for his purpose.

One of my very best friends is going through what I went through a few months ago. And I feel for her. I am praying for her, because life is the hardest thing we will go through. And as Christians, we have the near impossible task of surrendering our will for God's will. We have the mission to live for something greater than ourselves. I know that my friend will be okay, and I know the other side of where she is at... It's just about getting through the storm and trusting that God will calm the seas.

My passages from today (besides Leviticus in the old testament talking about the guilt offerings, peace offerings, and other sacrifices made through blood) was in Mark. The same stories as in Matthew, about the seeds, the mustard seed, and the storm. All about faith and the relationships we have with God.

I had read these stories before, but it's always reinforcement. We need the constant reminder of what God wants us to do. We need reassurance of our purpose... Or at least I do.

Even though these stories were familiar, it's comforting to know that I am so loved. It's comforting to know that God is trying to send me messages everyday, like having the faith of a mustard seed. It's comforting to know that through there are storms and hardships, God will calm them.

"The LORD rescues the godly;
      he is their fortress in times of trouble.
 The LORD helps them,
      rescuing them from the wicked.
   He saves them,
      and they find shelter in him."
Psalm 37:39-40

It's a tough, tough thing sometimes to follow the will of God versus your own. I have been there, and I'm still there. Everyday. I know that my best friend will pull through and be okay. I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel for her, because I've been there and have seen it myself. I'm still in a tunnel, and I think I will always be, but there is hope and comfort for those who believe.

God bless,
Lauren