Day 58

Tomorrow I suppose I get a break! My Bible doesn't have "February 29th." I guess they don't make Leap Year bibles?

That's alright. I'll find something else to read to get me pumped :)

I got to thinking about a few things this morning while reading. I wish I had the faith that my dog does. She will follow me to the ends of the earth if I went there, she knows I'm coming back when I leave, she trusts me absolutely for her food and water and all of her needs, and she knows I'm going to love on her when she does well, and correct her when she does wrong. Now, maybe I'm giving Bella too much credit, but seriously, that's what I see in her. When she does what SHE wants, she doesn't get praise, reward, and gets scolded. When she obeys, she gets a nice big treat.

If I had that type of faith, a blind faith in where I follow Jesus wherever he goes, stop taking my life into my own hands and just rely on Jesus that he will provide my needs, give me love, affection, hope, and rewards... I think my life would be a lot more satisfying and I could just rest. Bella gets about 20 hours of rest a day, so she must be doing something right!!


One of the most meaningful passages for me this morning was from Mark 9:49-50:

"⁴⁹ “For everyone will be tested with fire.⁵⁰ Salt is good for seasoning. But if it loses its flavor, how do you make it salty again? You must have the qualities of salt among yourselves and live in peace with each other.”"

Now, I don't really know what the qualities of salt are, but I do know that I experience fire pretty much everyday. Some hotter than others, but nonetheless, it's tough. Sometimes I feel the smoke suffocating me and I don't know how to get out, sometimes I feel the flames in my heart burning me away... And the only way those get out is when I ask God to be my fireman and to relieve me. Let's just say, I look stupid trying to put out the fires myself. My tests are really tough, and I can't fight them alone. I need a Savior. I need a protector. I need a rescuer. Jesus is that. And I trust that he will deliver me... But what shall I do in the meantime? How do I fight the fires in my life? What instrument does he want me to use? Where do I go? 

I have never had great joy and peace than in these times right now, yet I still have questions, fears, discouragement--more than ever before. It's times like these where I just want to rise up and proclaim that Jesus is Lord! Why don't I?

God bless,
Lauren